Attitudes of Gratitude in Love: Creating More Joy in Your Relationship

Author: Ryan, M.J.Brand: Conari PressFeatures: Used Book in Good ConditionBinding: PaperbackNumber Of Pages: 199Release Date: 31-08-2002Details: Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Attitudes of gratitude in loveCreating More Joy in Your RelationshipBy M. J. RYANRed Wheel/Weiser, LLCCopyright © 2002 M. J. RyanAll rights reserved.ISBN: 978-1-57324-765-8ContentsForeword by Daphne Rose Kingma1 The Key to Living Our Love2 The Gifts of Relationship Gratitude3 Myths That Hold Us Back4 Love's Attitudes of Gratitude5 The Practice of Gratitude in Love6 The Joyful JourneyMy ThanksAbout the Author CHAPTER 1THE KEY TO LIVING OUR LOVEMost married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tendto view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result beingthat they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotionalshouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.—Dave BarryIn the three years since I wrote Attitudes of Gratitude, I've been teachingabout and practicing gratitude on a daily basis. What I've come to see is thatwhile it is easy to be grateful in the abstract—for sun and rain and good food—oftenthe place where it is most difficult to practice is in our most intimaterelationships. So many of us are (rightfully) grateful to the stranger who helpsus pull our car out of the ditch but take for granted the daily gift our lovedone is.I know that's true for me. I am almost always unfailingly appreciative ofeveryone except the one closest to me. With my husband, just as Dave Barrypoints out, I spend most of my time cataloging his most irritating foibles andlacks. And yet I know all the way down to my bones that one of the best ways tocreate happiness and joy in life, and therefore in love, is to be as grateful aspossible.And so I set out to study the phenomenon. What holds us back from a full senseof gratitude to this other being who has chosen us among all others to spend alife with? What would happen if we truly allowed ourselves to feel the gift thislove represents? How can we cultivate gratitude for love on a daily basis?As with all my books, I must say that I am no expert in this. In fact, when itcomes to an attitude of gratitude in love, I am a rank beginner. What you areholding in your hand is a work in progress. It represents what I and others havelearned about the joy that can be experienced by living in a state of gratitudefor our intimate partner; why we keep ourselves from experiencing the happinessgratitude can bring; the attitudes that foster such positive feelings; and thepractices that enhance the possibility on a daily basis. I offer it in thespirit of a fellow traveler, one who seeks to live fully and love well, a flawedhuman being who, at the end of her life, wishes to be able to be proud of theways she has loved those who have graced her life.Creating a happy relationship is no small task. It has many components, only oneof which—showing gratitude—will be looked at here. But the task itself is veryworthwhile. Here's just one way to think about it—in terms of dollars (althoughhow they figure out these things is beyond me). A twenty-five-year study ofhappiness done by Dartmouth College and London University found that a stable,long-term relationship was equal to $100,000 a year in income in creatinghappiness! So there's one reason to practice.Here's another, more spiritually oriented one. I know only a few things withabsolute certainty. One is that our intimate relationship—the pairing of onehuman being with another—is the greatest vehicle for emotional and spiritualgrowth life affords us. Within its crucible, every old wound is revisited, everycertainty is challenged, every fine quality of our being is forced to expandbeyond our perceived limits. If we do it right, we are inevitably transformedinto more loving and wise human beings. But too often we get stuck in ruts thatprevent us from allowing this alchemical magic to take place. We run the samenegative stories over and over, we get caught in games of blame and shame, wegive up in despair.That's where the power of gratitude coEAN: 0654241007658Package Dimensions: 6.3 x 5.5 x 0.6 inchesLanguages: English