Feeling Left Behind: Permission to Grieve

Author: Kim MurdockPublisher: Kim MurdockPaperback:ISBN 10: 0578524163ISBN 13: 978-0578524160"It will give you, the reader, permission to remember, never forget, and to slowly live from the place of heart again." —Patty L. Luckenbach, MA, DD, associate minister and author of I Only Walk On Water When It RainsThe grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one is crippling. In Feeling Left Behind, author Kim Murdock relates and empathizes with that pain because she’s been there. She knows what it feels like to be woefully blindsided by music or at the grocery store, to reconsider the future alone, and to connect with a person who is no longer alive. You will relate to her chapters as she describes: The crushing desire to freeze time and isolate yourself The unstable phase of “firsts”― first holidays, birthdays, anniversaries The anger and sadness at seeing other couples The loss of self, empathy, security, and tolerance The heartbreaking sadness of getting rid of their belongings And so much more This is not a step-by-step guide on how to grieve. Kim outlines every detail of her experience as well as the experiences of her widow/widower friends to show you that you are not alone. You are normal. And you deserve as much time as possible to figure out how to survive in your own way."Kim's words, ripped from her diary, are raw, painting a picture of the excruciating anguish that so many left behind by the physical departing of a loved one express." —Duck White-Petteruti, Founder, Domus Pacis Family Respite Review "Kim Murdock profoundly describes her anguish of having been left alone by the death of her young and vibrate husband, who was her best friend. This is a must read for widows and widowers, and is helpful for family and friends of the deceased. This work sheds light on the difficulties that are aced by the ones left behind.A galaxy of feelings collide within one's heart like falling stars, but not the starry night that once brought hearts together. No one has the right to take an eraser to one's heart, for Love is forever. Grief is emotional pain, and the experience of it is like walking through Jell-O.The author shares her experience in the hopes that it will give you a sounding board for expression of feelings. It will give you, the reader, permission to remember, never forget, and to slowly live from the place of heart again." - Patty L. Luckenbach, MA, DD, associate minister and author of The Land of Tears Is A Secret Place, The Kingdom of Heart, and I Only Walk On Water When It Rains "Kim Murdock's brave expression of her intimate and moving experience of grief is a must read for any widow who has no idea what to do, whom to talk to, or how to manage the multitude of complex emotions that might emerge at any moment or time, for as long as it takes. Thank you, Kim, for this healing elixir and loving proof that we are never, ever alone."  - Patti Ashley, PhD, psychotherapist and author of the books Living in the Shadow of the Too-Good Mother Archetype and Letters to Freedom"Kim's words, ripped from her diary, are raw, painting a picture of the excruciating anguish that so many left behind by the physical departing of a loved one express. Over time, our hope for the widow or widower is to find that a part of his or her soul, as well as all of their love, remain; but while grieving, the ache of loss cannot be consoled. What we each need to do is to reach out, be present, hold a hand, mute your desire to advise, just listen, and be lovingly patient." - Duck White-Petteruti, Founder, Domus Pacis Family Respite"Feeling Left Behind is like the friend youdidn't realize you needed or had. It just sits with you in your grief. Itvalidates your feelings, but does not judge you." - Anonymous From the Author After my husband passed away, the pain was excruciating, and I felt so alone. Thankfully, a couple of weeks after his death, his coworker contacted me. While Reg, my husband, had worked on a project with her, her husband had died of a brain tumor. She was my same age, and though we had never met, she knew my pain. She took me to lunch and brought me a packet of tissues, knowing I would cry. I asked her, "How did you get through this?" She said she didn't know. I remember feeling I could breathe for the first time. Someone understood how I felt! I knew I didn't have to figure out how to survive. In addition to his coworker, I also received tremendous support from Reg's sister, who had lost her husband five years before Reg died. She and I became close after he died, and she listened to me and empathized with my feelings. She helped me feel normal because she had felt the same as me. I was so incredibly grateful to her for understanding and for helping me realize my feelings--including the deep sadness--were not wrong; they were normal.Because of these two women, I decided to pay it forward. They had helped me so much that I wanted to help other widows and widowers as much as I could. When I searched for grief books, so many of them talked about how to get through the experience. They discussed how to survive and what you needed to do to take care of yourself. They talked about how you can feel happy again, and how you can thrive. I didn't want to be told that--at least not that early in my grief journey. I didn't see any books that would just help me feel normal, that would just say my feelings were acceptable. Reg's death changed the trajectory of my life, and I needed someone to tell me that no matter what I was feeling, it was fine. My grief counselor and my widowed friends (I joined a windows group and became friends with many widows) did that. I figured there are so many widows and widowers out there who either don't know any other widows/widowers or who aren't comfortable sharing their grief and experiences. I wanted to give you, my readers, permission to grieve fully and not move through the process quickly (unless you choose to). I wanted to give you permission to feel your feelings. Hence, I wrote this book.In addition to my experiences and feelings, this book also includes stories from my widowed friends who gave me permission to include their experiences and feelings. I've also included information about England's Queen Victoria, who lost her husband, Prince Albert, in 1861. For the remainder of her life--40 years--she wore only black. She even got the moniker "the widow of Windsor." Through her daily journaling, we gain insight into her widowhood journey. I'm sorry for the loss you've experienced that has led you to pick up this book, which I hope will serve you. I wish you peace and blessings. About the Author Kim Murdock is a writer, editor, and coach who has made it her mission to help those dealing with the loss of a loved one, particularly a spouse. After becoming a widow at 42, she didn't want people to tell her how to heal or that everything happens for a reason. She just wanted to know that her feelings were normal. In a candid and heartfelt way, she expresses what many-maybe even most-grieving people feel and experience in her debut book, Feeling Left Behind. Kim has an MBA from the University of Denver and a BS from the University of Colorado.